if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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