I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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