i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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