i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
