I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
