I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
