Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
