i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
