How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
