I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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