TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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