On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
