She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There r osticjed everywhere
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
