Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
