man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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