Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
