my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
