Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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