Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
