it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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