I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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