my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
