So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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