I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
