I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
