I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
