So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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