Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
