Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
third nipple confirmed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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