i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it penis luge time yet?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
