He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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