dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
