Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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