also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
