Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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