god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
