I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
