There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
