Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
