i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
