the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
