I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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