What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
