I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
