I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
