Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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