Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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