I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
