you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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