U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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