Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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